“Leadership is not an affair of the head. Leadership is an affair of the heart.” Kouzes and Posner, Authors of The Leadership Challenge

Amazing Love

It is amazing how life comes full circle and we, as humans, find ourselves becoming more reflective and introspective with age.  Many leaders may find this same tendency occurring as they “mature” in their respective leadership positions.  I had one such experience after having had the honor of serving as a pallbearer for one of the first fire chiefs I ever served under when I was a 19-year-old rookie firefighter.

As part of this service, the family asked that I serve with the other former firefighters who served under him.  As I sat through his funeral I thought about the impact he made on me as well as the impact he made on the fire service.  You see, in this group, there were two current fire chiefs, two former fire chiefs, and an assistant chief.  When you look back on his impact on the fire service, you can rightfully say that he “left his mark.”

Reflection

The experience led me to reflect on the impact he made on me as an individual as well.  The more I thought about his leadership I began to see a picture of a man who led with dignity, grace, and love.  The first two characteristics are commonly recognized as being leadership qualities, but the last one is not typically on the list.

It is a commonly accepted position that “man” (non-gender) is not designed or intended to live a life of isolation and solitude.  As you take a look throughout history you will continually see examples of humans coming together to form a variety of groups.

The most basic of these groups is the family.  The familial unit is typically recognized as being the most prominent place to see and experience love.  More often than not family units lacking in love demonstrate a variety of social issues that can be viewed as being destructive and/or dysfunctional.

Community

History has also demonstrated the human tendency to come together in some form of a community.  These social groups are typically much more complex, and the societal issues can be difficult to “nail down.”  As in the familial unit, the presence of love in a community is a must!  Historically, leaders of a community (nation) demonstrating a lack of love have built societies that are dysfunctional and often tyrannical.  Yes, the leader has power and authority but commonly lacks the grace and mercy needed to truly build toward a higher purpose.

What is Love?

These points are brought out in the book entitled “Leadership on the Line” by Heifitz and Linsky.  In the book, the authors are quoted saying “The compass heading that orients people most directly, even when you get blown off course, is loving and being loved.”  Of course, the challenge often comes in defining love and what is expected from a particular relationship.

The American language makes defining love even more difficult because it is essentially a one-size-fits-all definition.  As Americans, we typically view love in the context of the family or a sensual pleasure to be experienced.  In short, we view it as a noun (thing) and not a verb (action).  However, the Greek language further communicates love in four different environments.  These are Agape, Eros, Philia, and Storge.  Roughly translated, each of these words means

Agape – a type of godly, unconditional love

Eros – a sensual, physical love between lovers

Philia – a type of love that is exhibited between friends

Storge – a type of love typically described as being between a parent and child

Tools in the Toolbox

The fire service is known for using the tools of position, power, authority, control, and direction.  These leadership tools have a place in the proverbial “toolbox” of a leader.  However, being an effective leader requires the usage of tools that are more often than not ethereal and not easily described.  Just like a carpenter using a framing hammer to do finish-hammer work, leaders using the wrong tools to lead can cause irreparable damage to an employee and the organization.

What it Looked Like

All of this to say that I believe this chief made such an impact on me, and the fire service generally because he demonstrated love as a leader.  This is not to imply that he was soft in any way.  It was clear in the fire station that you did not want to be on the opposite side of him.  However, his leadership was certain, consistent, and strong.  When discipline was issued it was done in a manner that sought to build and not tear down.  Even in the moments of being corrected he was building you into a better person.

I am a better person for having served under this man.  He taught me much and words cannot express how much I appreciate the example he set for me and how I am to serve as a leader.  It is now my responsibility to clearly communicate the importance of love as a leadership quality that it is imperative to the success of the “community” I have been charged to lead.

“Leading with love means knowing and caring about what inspires and empowers people. It’s about caring enough to know what is important to them and helping them succeed.” Lolly Daskal, Author – The Leadership Gap