Interested or interesting—which one are you trying to be?

At first glance, the difference seems subtle. In practice, it’s profound. Most people have experienced the individual who dominates conversations with stories of personal achievement—what they’ve done, what they’ve accomplished, where they’ve been. It rarely takes long before attention drifts and the listener looks for an escape.

That person is trying to be interesting.

Then there’s another type of person—the one who asks thoughtful questions, listens carefully, and shows genuine curiosity about others. Conversations with them feel engaging instead of exhausting. This person isn’t trying to be interesting. They are choosing to be interested.

For leaders, that choice matters more than they may realize.

Leadership and the Hidden Cost of Self‑Focus

Leadership is not built on impressing people. It’s built on connecting with them. When leaders consistently turn conversations back to themselves, they create distance—even if unintentionally. Over time, people disengage emotionally. Trust erodes. Relationships remain shallow and transactional.

People don’t enjoy being around leaders who are only interested in themselves. It’s draining. Leaders who rely on self‑focus often wonder why engagement is low or why team members hesitate to speak up. The answer is usually simple: people don’t feel seen.

Being interesting may capture attention briefly. Being interested earns influence over time.

As William King observed:

“A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.”

That insight applies directly to leadership.

Relationships: The Currency of Leadership

Leadership is relational at its core. Regardless of title, leadership effectiveness rises and falls on the quality of relationships. The stronger the relationships, the greater the influence.

Data supports this reality. According to Forbes, managers account for up to 76% of the variance in employee engagement, driven largely by the quality of their relationships and interactions

How Leaders Impact Employee Engagement

Taking genuine interest in others is foundational to building those relationships. People are naturally drawn to leaders who make them feel relevant, valued, and heard.

Curiosity as a Leadership Advantage

Being interested shifts leadership from performance to presence. It transforms interactions from transactional to relational. Leaders who consistently demonstrate curiosity begin to see measurable changes:

• People speak more openly
• Psychological safety improves
• Collaboration strengthens
• Trust deepens

Research highlighted by Harvard Business Review shows that leaders who demonstrate curiosity lead teams that are more innovative, more resilient, and better at problem‑solving

Why Curiosity Matters

Curiosity is not softness—it is situational awareness.

Ironically, leaders who are genuinely interested in others often become more interesting themselves. Their perspective broadens. Their empathy deepens. Their influence expands—without needing to seek attention.

Why This Matters for Leaders

This is not about being polite or likable. It’s about effectiveness.

Employees who feel heard and valued are 4.6 times more likely to feel empowered to do their best work, according to Inc.com.

Employee Engagement and Empowerment

On the other side of the equation, disengagement is costly. Gallup estimates disengaged employees cost the global economy more than $10 trillion annually, much of it tied to poor leadership relationships

State Of The Global Workplace

Leaders who focus on being interesting compete for attention. Leaders who focus on being interested build trust—and trust drives performance.

Curiosity is not optional. It is a leadership requirement.

How Leaders Practice Being Interested—Intentionally

Being interested doesn’t require charisma or extroversion. It requires intention.

Start with the first five minutes:

• Ask real questions
• Listen without planning your response
• Be fully present

Give people:

• Attention – presence without distraction
• Affirmation – acknowledgment of what matters to them
• Appreciation – recognition of effort and contribution

These small actions compound over time and build influence no title can demand.

Let the Interesting Take Care of Itself

Leadership isn’t about being the most impressive person in the room. It’s about creating space for others to matter. Leaders who choose interest over ego build stronger relationships, healthier cultures, and more engaged teams.

• Be interested.
• Ask better questions.
• Listen more than you speak.

The interesting part will take care of itself!